The Family Jungle at Christmastime

I'm struck every Christmas that I really couldn't tell you definitively who is and isn't part of our family. With whom do we have meaningful connections?

It's a little gray, really. I spent tonight driving 40 miles round-trip to visit my step niece-in-law and her premature twins at a hospital, per the request of her concerned mother and auntie. Technically former step niece-in-law, as my husband's stepmom passed away some years ago. Until tonight, I didn't know these little twins' mom was expecting again. Meanwhile, I don't receive or send a single Christmas card from any of my 63 Irish-American first cousins. Who is family, and who isn't?

This is a Mexican-American family that wears their hearts on their sleeves. They give and expect family loyalty from even shirttail relations. I have to say: I like their style. It's not my birth family's style by any stretch, but I like it.

It's become very apparent that the holidays are stressful for many people, not just cocoa and gift wrapping--between my husband and me, we have one good friend hospitalized with depression; one grandparent hospitalized with a stroke; one baby step nephew seriously ill; one great step aunt recovering from surgery; and one uncle hospitalized with a heart attack. The holidays can be hard on families!

I doubt I'll ever be able to make a list of exactly who I consider our family, but I do hope it's a list that will grow, not shrink, over time. We watched the fascinating documentary Sicko recently, and I'm struck that Americans are so busy working and trying to take care of their families singlehandedly, with very few social supports, that we have little opportunity to enjoy our nuclear families, let alone former step-nieces-in-law in their times of need. I'm hoping to learn some more lessons from this particular branch of our family forest!