My Hubby Truly Enjoys Hockey Against a 2 y/o

Long time, no blog. I bet all three of my regular readers are just crushed!

My husband introduced himself after I did at our parent/child class this week. I mentioned that my professional/personal lives converge in terms of general "caregiving issues," and it touched me when he mentioned that as a respiratory therapist/a.m. dad, his two lives converge this way as well. He's always been a great dad, but he's enjoying the role and taking ownership of it more each year. To put it a little cornily, he's exploring more of his full humanity beyond gender stereotypes. He can cook and help little kids get ready for school so much better than six years ago. (But make no mistake: still very into hockey and paying absolutely zero attention to fashion--some manly things never change).

Anyone who's been married/partnered for more than a couple years has probably had the chance to marvel at a partner's growth in some area or another. It's a definite perk of long-term relationships. I can't imagine what my grandmother felt when Grandpa died, after 60 years of marriage together. Frankly, I'd rather not.

Friends coming for dinner--gotta run. Luckily close friends who won't mind that it's a rather thrown-together, spontaneous menu in a not-yet-clean house.

Oh, the needs out there!

It's one of those days where I see the world through crimson-tinted glasses; that is, a quasi-social worker's awareness of all the human needs that could keep us all busy a long time. Among the people I spoke with today:

*someone in chronic pain caring for a spouse with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
*an illiterate, undocumented day laborer from another country, disappointed that I'm unable to act as his caseworker as well
*a hardworking person who can't work outside the home because his/her stroke-survivor spouse needs 24-hour care, so they're behind on bills
*a cancer patient whose best friend died very suddenly this week

These are just some of the stories that make me impatient with people who complain of boredom, or a missing sense of purpose. Volunteermatch.org, baby. Whether you like to write grants, shovel snow, design websites for charitable organizations, or visit homebound people, there's work that needs done. It's amazing what could get done by cutting out a few hours of TV watching a week.

So now I've exposed myself for the brown-haired Pollyanna I am. And here's my idea for the day: Wal-mart Co. should pay for at least five full-time social workers to serve the customers and employees at each store location, because every time I'm in that store (FOR WORK, to help people get their meds, never my own choice), I overhear people talking about overdue rent; people obviously in poor health picking up their meds; people caught shoplifting; people treating their children badly; people buying cheap plastic things that might make our children sick; people who look completely depressed or stressed out; people loitering for what looks like hours in front of the store. 10 minutes at that particular Wal-mart is more depressing for me than a whole day on the phone with some of the people in situations above. If Wal-mart stores concentrate that much misery in one place, and profit from it, they should address some of the issues people bring in.

"Welcome to Wal-mart! Can I help you access mental health care or apply for food stamps?"

And yes, systems change to eliminate some of the REASONS so many are poor, depressed, sick, lonely, etc., would be even better. I get that.

Feeling A Little Raw

I'm still reeling a bit today from a conversation I had with another mom yesterday. If I understood her point through her high emotions, I think it was, "You're not qualified to have opinions on breast pumps because you didn't work as many hours away as I did." I wasn't trying to be any final authority, but rather mentioned what worked for me when the topic came up. This is someone I respect, and enjoy, as a woman and fellow mom, and I didn't see the attack coming.

I think my incredibly wise friend who happens not to have children summarized it best when she said, "There's so much pressure on moms today to be perfect that it makes people crazy!" As an occasionally crazy mom, I think she nailed the phenomenon. It's a little scary out there in mass media parenting land.

But no time to work--I'm off to a meeting about services we offer for caregivers of elders. I wonder, do baby boomers caring for elder parents experience the same subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) competition? Anyone want to comment?

New Beginnings

Our first baby boarded the big yellow school bus to kindergarten last week. She's on cloud nine, in love with the whole experience. She's too self-conscious to freeze-dance in front of her classmates, but otherwise, her confidence is soaring. Her dad and I are thrilled for her. She feels so ready to take on a whole host of new challenges: reading, writing, dealing with bullies, making friends, and more.

My sister and I went to a workshop tonight on chemical abuse by elders, and one of the best points made by the speaker was that contrary to popular belief, you can teach an "old dog" new tricks; more respectfully put, like kindergarteners, older people can learn and change in significant ways, even kicking a long-standing drug habit.

While I pray she'll never have to kick a drug habit, I sure like to think that our daughter's eyes will still be sparkling with discovery and possibility even when those eyes are framed by lots of wrinkles!

I propose we begin regarding everyone else--at every age--much as if they were a kindergartener:

• chock full of potential,
• with some annoying habits learned from their families, and the media
• still learning some of the rules,
• but capable of tremendous growth if we just care for them at their level.

At the risk of oversimplification, just imagine how we could all change for the better if approached with a kindergarten teacher's perspective!

Summer's A Good Season For Root Growth

The summer has flown, but I'm pleased to say we've met our primary goal of feeling at home in the new house and neighborhood. We continue to meet nice neighbors of all ages, or get to know them better, every week, and are pretty enthused with the church we've found. It was frankly an incredibly stressful, arduous process to buy and sell houses in a coordinated way, so if we did have buyers' regret at this pont, we'd probably be pretty bitter! The process pushed our organizational skills and physical stamina to the limit, along with presenting some parenting challenges helping the kids transition. Just ask my husband and kids how crabby I got at times, if you don't believe me.

At work, I know lots of elders with the urge to move, but many are not comfortable with the internet (for housing research, getting rid of things, and more), and physically aren't up to all the labor involved in moving. Some feel stuck as a result. If anyone's looking for a new non-profit concept, it would be free/sliding fee moving management. There's plenty of pricey help available, but so many can't afford it.

Happy late summer to all. May you find yourself in a safe, positive home, whatever it is.