I'm feeling a little sentimental after a week in my Midwestern hometown for Thanksgiving. There's nothing like hearing my dad say he ate "Manchurian-some-dam*-thing" at the Chinese restaurant or seeing my niece perform in a play at my old high school. Even though I elect to live in a city 400 miles away, I value feeling rooted to this place. My husband sat through 1.5 hours of family slides spanning 50 years and four generations. These are iconic family images firmly burned into my brain, not unlike the branded calves featured in some, and somehow, having seen them, I think he's more deeply ensnared in the family web. At one point during the slide saga, our five year-old's cousins tried to entice her to play, and she refused, declaring righteously, "No! I've always wanted to see what it was like when my mommy grew up!" She is an endearing little suck-up, that one.
I should mention that it's all a little extra bittersweet because our mom passed on about 2.5 years ago. Connecting to my hometown is connecting to where she lived almost her entire life. I'm appreciating people there, including my aunts, uncles and cousins, more than I ever could as a stir-crazy teenager eager to move on. So much of what we urban yuppie parents work so hard to recapture is so innate there--community, tradition, belonging to a spiritual/religious group, firmly defined values, kids doing meaningful work at an early age, storytelling, fresh air and time outside. Not all of their firmly defined values are still mine today, and some new ones I've come to feel strongly about aren't as easy to locate there as some places, but I admire them still.
It takes constant mindfulness to retain the best of our parents' and grandparents' lifestyles, while being open to the contributions of our children and grandchildren. I love hearing my moms' brothers say my three year-old looks just like their late grandma. I muddle this balancing act of the best of the old and new all the time; I'm just grateful I have inspiring examples before me, and after me, to work with.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Mothers and More article
The following is the text of a feature article I wrote for the Summer 2007 Forum, the national publication of Mothers and More, an outstanding national advocacy organization for mothers (http://www.mothersandmore.org/). I thought I'd share it with an audience wider than the M and M membership, as the stories of the moms interviewed are timely and interesting.
For A Few Lucky Moms, The New Life/Work Balance
In many literary and historical accounts of stay-at-home moms, their side jobs are portrayed as a forced, pragmatic action in the face of unexpected economic hardship. The phrase “having to take in washing,” suggests that at-home mothers in bygone eras sought out part-time work only under duress.
But in 2007, having a home-based side job is a hard-won goal of many at-home moms, including some who could live comfortably on their partners’ incomes. In this dream, today’s mother works a few hours a day in her home office while in the adjoining room, her bilingual children build a scale model of a peaceful village featuring a mosque, a church, and a temple. These dreamy siblings without rivalry interrupt their mother only for the occasional hug, kiss, or architectural critique. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, they spend the day with their doting grandmother, no daycare center required.
Kim Comatas of Farmingham Area, Massachusetts Chapter 95 was one mom who saw herself enjoying the 2000 version of having it all. However, she was disillusioned more than once in her transition to motherhood. “I thought I'd be able to work part time a few days from home, but that didn't happen. My employer went back on their original offer after I had the baby.”
Comatas turned to buying and selling on eBay as her second job. She managed to bring it about $200/week for 20 hours of work. However, she writes, “It was a big misconception when I thought I could work on the computer while the kids played quietly in the other room. The biggest surprise was the room I left to enter items onto eBay was not the same room I returned to!”
Molly Remer, an unchaptered member from Rolla, Missouri, echoes the sentiment that flexible, home-based work comes with its own stressors. She writes, “(I was surprised by) “how difficult it is to balance even fairly small work commitments with motherhood.” Since Remer quit her full-time job, she has sold the following, mainly via the internet: used books; self-published booklets; doll accessories; handmade soap and body products, and baby slings. She has also served as a survey participant, Childbirth Educator, Assistant Director of an intensive annual craft school, and postpartum doula.
Remer writes, “The challenge of managing these other jobs with also taking care of my babies is pretty significant! I have learned to prioritize and "trim" the money-making ideas/commitments that I'm not truly enthusiastic about.” Remer articulates her family’s ultimate work/life goals this way: “My anticipation of future work life and earnings for both my husband and myself was to have a primary home-based life, pursuing personal interests with small businesses and volunteer work, and generating sufficient income for a simple life….So, far we have not yet been able to free my husband from ‘wage slavery’ to join the rest of us at home, but that is what we're working towards!
In a survey, 85% of Mothers and More members said their ideal work situation would be less than 30 hours per week. According to surveys by Work & Family Connection, Inc., working parents in search of a work/life balance want “the ability to alter the time at which they start and end their workday” the most (80% of respondents’ polled). The next wish would be the ability to work from home (70%). One-third would like to work less or share a job (www.workfamily.com). It is not terribly surprising that many employed mothers would like to work less. What did surprise me was my recent realization that that almost all the voluntarily at-home moms I know would accept a part-time job if it were in their field of interest and compatible with their children’s schedules.
A CNN.com article would suggest that a work life Comatas’ or Remer’s is definitely the way to go. ”More than 70 percent of independent professionals report being "very satisfied" with their work situation, according to a new survey by conducted by national polling firm Penn Schoen & Berland, compared with just over 50 percent of salaried employees.” (Bills, Steve. “Freelancers found happier.” Nov. 8, 2000. CNNMoney.com).
For most mothers, especially outside the Mothers and More demographics, the work part-time from home dream remains just that, a dream. Given the cost of health insurance housing in safe areas with good public schools, most families have few options but to work two full-time jobs. According to The Two Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke by mother/daughter economists Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi, our unique modern ability to buy cheap, plentiful consumer goods and technology is deceiving. Mass production allows us to afford many things, but these gadgets are small consolation for families whose incomes have actually decreased in relation to the cost of housing and health insurance in recent decades. The authors even have a name for this misconception, in a chapter called “The Over-consumption Myth.”
Clearly, the moms who make the latest life/work dream work for them are a resourceful and fortunate minority. Among those employed at lower wages, only 4% even have the option of working any hours at home. Only a slightly higher 11% of higher wage earners have this option. (“What Workplace Flexibility is Available to Entry Level, Hourly Employees?” Families and Work Institute, November 2006).
Erika Armstrong of Evergreen/Mountain Community, Colorado Chapter 169 was eventually able to transition to independent, family-friendly work that even enabled her husband to quit his traditional job. Armstrong’s family’s income was cut by two-thirds when she quit her job as a commercial pilot. She describes the decision to quit her job after working 15 years to become a captain as “gut-wrenching.” However, she has no regrets. Today, her husband runs the small home builder warranty management company she began upon entering parenthood. They have two employees. Using an old barn on their property to board horses brings in additional income, as well as pleasure for their daughters. She describes her life as “Nothing fancy but we’ve found a great way to make a living and we’re both home at the end of the day!”
Even among the families who can afford an unpredictable second income, independent work-from-home arrangements are not easy to come by. Some professions lend themselves to the home office better than others. Writers and graphic designers pop up over and over in the mompreneur stories.
Tracy Salmon of Columbus, Ohio, Chapter 51 is keenly aware of the difficulties that come with fitting work around primary responsibility for childcare. She knew the change in her work hours would impact her family financially. In fact, she “expected to be poor.” She works as a Registered Nurse five ten hours shifts every two weeks while her husband or parents care for her children. Combining her income with her husband’s full-time work, they are able to meet the children’s needs but not to save. “There is no extra!” she writes. She adds, “My employer is one of the largest home care companies in the U.S. and still they have no regard for a SAHM. I am scheduled for mandatory meetings on my days off and told I cannot bring my children.”
Gina Kasmerski of Twin Cities East, MN Chapter 299 had a less disillusioning transition to flexible part-time work. Her prior company hired her to be a part-time project manager for 15 months after she became a mother. “It was terrific because I was able to work out of my home office in the odd hours that I wasn't ‘mommying’ and learn some new skills to boot,” she comments. Midway through that role, she was recruited to do some consulting work by an associate from 10 years previous. As a result, she formed a very small consulting business, leaving her confident and hopeful about an eventual return to full-time work with pay to rival her colleagues who didn’t opt out of traditional corporate life for several years. By her own admission, Gina is very fortunate, both in terms of personal fulfillment and family budgeting. Gina’s family is able to devote her income to long-term goals and savings.
For Amy Coffey of Green Bay, Wisconsin Chapter 179, fitting work around full-time motherhood is turning into a return to her college major and her dream of being an art teacher. On September 11, 2001, she was a highly paid and pregnant employee of an investment firm in the Sears Tower in Chicago. “As my workplace became a target for terrorists, I instantly knew that I could never return to work there.” Her family took advantage of her husband’s promotion to Minnesota, where the family scaled back so she could become at-home mom. Her own itch to go back to work part-time, when her youngest was 18 months old, surprised her. It took a long time to figure the right part-time jobs. At first, she earned additional income by providing childcare in her home and at her church. After another move and encouragement from a friend, she now has three part-time jobs she loves: in retail at a scrapbook/stamping/beading store, where she hopes to teaching craft classes; as a Parent/Child swim teacher; and in her own business, her true passion, Art Fun with Amy. “I teach toddler and preschool art classes, with an emphasis on the process and having fun. My college degree is Elementary Education, so I’m thrilled to be finally doing something with my teaching background!”
For the past five years, I have considered myself a very blessed part timer. I work 20 hours per week, flex hours, for a non-profit. I have lots of variety and autonomy, and my hourly wage is competitive with my past life as an unhappy junior high teacher.
Like most part timers, I have the luxury of enjoyable part-time work only because I am married to someone with a traditional job, someone willing to take on solo morning parenting as well as carry our health insurance through full-time work on the evening shift. As someone who would love to be an at-home mom, I put a high value on at least being able to take the girls from my husband by 1:30 every day. A few moms, whose children are in childcare, have told me that they envy my family’s arrangement. Yet ironically, my ability to avoid the Supermom routine hinges on my husband’s willingness to be Superdad.
I am a typical part-time employee in that I do not have health insurance or retirement through my small, otherwise progressive non-profit. I do have a small health stipend, sick time, vacation time, and even compensatory time. We would much rather have one larger income, leaving me free to cook more “slow food” family dinners and dabble in free-lance writing. Yet the moral of The Two Income Trap lurks in my head: One major accident or sickness could endanger our middle-class status. Without my job, we would eat but forgo emergency savings, retirement, life insurance, and disability insurance. Nor would we be able to help my sister, my single mother counterpart, on occasion.
Despite its drawbacks, part-time and home-based work can be a positive experience. Many Mothers & More members—Tracy, Erika, Amy, Gina--expect their sense of purpose and fulfillment to come from both plenty of hours with their children each day and at least some outside paid work each week, whether or not their financial contributions are absolutely necessary. But as long as both part-time paid jobs and care giving are undervalued by employers, Social Security statements and even relatives, it will take a collection of factors to achieve a satisfying combination. Some of the factors that help are multi-tasking, momprenuership, partners who carry our health insurance and cook, and endless creative problem solving.
Amy Coffey sent me a late-night e-mail as I wrote a second draft of this article. She wanted to let me know that her part-time positions are on hold while her family adjusts to her son’s diagnosis of juvenile diabetes. She said I might not want to use her story in light of this news. On the contrary, her situation illustrates an important reality: when family needs arise, moms with flexible part-time jobs can rise to the occasion without endangering their families’ economic well-being. For this, Coffeys is grateful. “It is nice to have some flexibility - especially with my own business.”
Still, Comatas offers encouragement to moms who want this particular version of “having it all: “I would encourage other moms to find what brings them joy and excitement…. Call your favorite store, and ask if they're hiring. Be specific about your desires for a job, and the number of hours you're willing to work. Work for companies that have daycare on site for free (like the YMCA) and are flexible when your kids are sick, or start classes in your home….Don't be afraid to try something new. Don't forget that being a SAHM itself is a HUGE job and the most important one of all!”
I'd love to hear your experiences of combining work and caregiving!
--Ponka93
For A Few Lucky Moms, The New Life/Work Balance
In many literary and historical accounts of stay-at-home moms, their side jobs are portrayed as a forced, pragmatic action in the face of unexpected economic hardship. The phrase “having to take in washing,” suggests that at-home mothers in bygone eras sought out part-time work only under duress.
But in 2007, having a home-based side job is a hard-won goal of many at-home moms, including some who could live comfortably on their partners’ incomes. In this dream, today’s mother works a few hours a day in her home office while in the adjoining room, her bilingual children build a scale model of a peaceful village featuring a mosque, a church, and a temple. These dreamy siblings without rivalry interrupt their mother only for the occasional hug, kiss, or architectural critique. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, they spend the day with their doting grandmother, no daycare center required.
Kim Comatas of Farmingham Area, Massachusetts Chapter 95 was one mom who saw herself enjoying the 2000 version of having it all. However, she was disillusioned more than once in her transition to motherhood. “I thought I'd be able to work part time a few days from home, but that didn't happen. My employer went back on their original offer after I had the baby.”
Comatas turned to buying and selling on eBay as her second job. She managed to bring it about $200/week for 20 hours of work. However, she writes, “It was a big misconception when I thought I could work on the computer while the kids played quietly in the other room. The biggest surprise was the room I left to enter items onto eBay was not the same room I returned to!”
Molly Remer, an unchaptered member from Rolla, Missouri, echoes the sentiment that flexible, home-based work comes with its own stressors. She writes, “(I was surprised by) “how difficult it is to balance even fairly small work commitments with motherhood.” Since Remer quit her full-time job, she has sold the following, mainly via the internet: used books; self-published booklets; doll accessories; handmade soap and body products, and baby slings. She has also served as a survey participant, Childbirth Educator, Assistant Director of an intensive annual craft school, and postpartum doula.
Remer writes, “The challenge of managing these other jobs with also taking care of my babies is pretty significant! I have learned to prioritize and "trim" the money-making ideas/commitments that I'm not truly enthusiastic about.” Remer articulates her family’s ultimate work/life goals this way: “My anticipation of future work life and earnings for both my husband and myself was to have a primary home-based life, pursuing personal interests with small businesses and volunteer work, and generating sufficient income for a simple life….So, far we have not yet been able to free my husband from ‘wage slavery’ to join the rest of us at home, but that is what we're working towards!
In a survey, 85% of Mothers and More members said their ideal work situation would be less than 30 hours per week. According to surveys by Work & Family Connection, Inc., working parents in search of a work/life balance want “the ability to alter the time at which they start and end their workday” the most (80% of respondents’ polled). The next wish would be the ability to work from home (70%). One-third would like to work less or share a job (www.workfamily.com). It is not terribly surprising that many employed mothers would like to work less. What did surprise me was my recent realization that that almost all the voluntarily at-home moms I know would accept a part-time job if it were in their field of interest and compatible with their children’s schedules.
A CNN.com article would suggest that a work life Comatas’ or Remer’s is definitely the way to go. ”More than 70 percent of independent professionals report being "very satisfied" with their work situation, according to a new survey by conducted by national polling firm Penn Schoen & Berland, compared with just over 50 percent of salaried employees.” (Bills, Steve. “Freelancers found happier.” Nov. 8, 2000. CNNMoney.com).
For most mothers, especially outside the Mothers and More demographics, the work part-time from home dream remains just that, a dream. Given the cost of health insurance housing in safe areas with good public schools, most families have few options but to work two full-time jobs. According to The Two Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke by mother/daughter economists Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi, our unique modern ability to buy cheap, plentiful consumer goods and technology is deceiving. Mass production allows us to afford many things, but these gadgets are small consolation for families whose incomes have actually decreased in relation to the cost of housing and health insurance in recent decades. The authors even have a name for this misconception, in a chapter called “The Over-consumption Myth.”
Clearly, the moms who make the latest life/work dream work for them are a resourceful and fortunate minority. Among those employed at lower wages, only 4% even have the option of working any hours at home. Only a slightly higher 11% of higher wage earners have this option. (“What Workplace Flexibility is Available to Entry Level, Hourly Employees?” Families and Work Institute, November 2006).
Erika Armstrong of Evergreen/Mountain Community, Colorado Chapter 169 was eventually able to transition to independent, family-friendly work that even enabled her husband to quit his traditional job. Armstrong’s family’s income was cut by two-thirds when she quit her job as a commercial pilot. She describes the decision to quit her job after working 15 years to become a captain as “gut-wrenching.” However, she has no regrets. Today, her husband runs the small home builder warranty management company she began upon entering parenthood. They have two employees. Using an old barn on their property to board horses brings in additional income, as well as pleasure for their daughters. She describes her life as “Nothing fancy but we’ve found a great way to make a living and we’re both home at the end of the day!”
Even among the families who can afford an unpredictable second income, independent work-from-home arrangements are not easy to come by. Some professions lend themselves to the home office better than others. Writers and graphic designers pop up over and over in the mompreneur stories.
Tracy Salmon of Columbus, Ohio, Chapter 51 is keenly aware of the difficulties that come with fitting work around primary responsibility for childcare. She knew the change in her work hours would impact her family financially. In fact, she “expected to be poor.” She works as a Registered Nurse five ten hours shifts every two weeks while her husband or parents care for her children. Combining her income with her husband’s full-time work, they are able to meet the children’s needs but not to save. “There is no extra!” she writes. She adds, “My employer is one of the largest home care companies in the U.S. and still they have no regard for a SAHM. I am scheduled for mandatory meetings on my days off and told I cannot bring my children.”
Gina Kasmerski of Twin Cities East, MN Chapter 299 had a less disillusioning transition to flexible part-time work. Her prior company hired her to be a part-time project manager for 15 months after she became a mother. “It was terrific because I was able to work out of my home office in the odd hours that I wasn't ‘mommying’ and learn some new skills to boot,” she comments. Midway through that role, she was recruited to do some consulting work by an associate from 10 years previous. As a result, she formed a very small consulting business, leaving her confident and hopeful about an eventual return to full-time work with pay to rival her colleagues who didn’t opt out of traditional corporate life for several years. By her own admission, Gina is very fortunate, both in terms of personal fulfillment and family budgeting. Gina’s family is able to devote her income to long-term goals and savings.
For Amy Coffey of Green Bay, Wisconsin Chapter 179, fitting work around full-time motherhood is turning into a return to her college major and her dream of being an art teacher. On September 11, 2001, she was a highly paid and pregnant employee of an investment firm in the Sears Tower in Chicago. “As my workplace became a target for terrorists, I instantly knew that I could never return to work there.” Her family took advantage of her husband’s promotion to Minnesota, where the family scaled back so she could become at-home mom. Her own itch to go back to work part-time, when her youngest was 18 months old, surprised her. It took a long time to figure the right part-time jobs. At first, she earned additional income by providing childcare in her home and at her church. After another move and encouragement from a friend, she now has three part-time jobs she loves: in retail at a scrapbook/stamping/beading store, where she hopes to teaching craft classes; as a Parent/Child swim teacher; and in her own business, her true passion, Art Fun with Amy. “I teach toddler and preschool art classes, with an emphasis on the process and having fun. My college degree is Elementary Education, so I’m thrilled to be finally doing something with my teaching background!”
For the past five years, I have considered myself a very blessed part timer. I work 20 hours per week, flex hours, for a non-profit. I have lots of variety and autonomy, and my hourly wage is competitive with my past life as an unhappy junior high teacher.
Like most part timers, I have the luxury of enjoyable part-time work only because I am married to someone with a traditional job, someone willing to take on solo morning parenting as well as carry our health insurance through full-time work on the evening shift. As someone who would love to be an at-home mom, I put a high value on at least being able to take the girls from my husband by 1:30 every day. A few moms, whose children are in childcare, have told me that they envy my family’s arrangement. Yet ironically, my ability to avoid the Supermom routine hinges on my husband’s willingness to be Superdad.
I am a typical part-time employee in that I do not have health insurance or retirement through my small, otherwise progressive non-profit. I do have a small health stipend, sick time, vacation time, and even compensatory time. We would much rather have one larger income, leaving me free to cook more “slow food” family dinners and dabble in free-lance writing. Yet the moral of The Two Income Trap lurks in my head: One major accident or sickness could endanger our middle-class status. Without my job, we would eat but forgo emergency savings, retirement, life insurance, and disability insurance. Nor would we be able to help my sister, my single mother counterpart, on occasion.
Despite its drawbacks, part-time and home-based work can be a positive experience. Many Mothers & More members—Tracy, Erika, Amy, Gina--expect their sense of purpose and fulfillment to come from both plenty of hours with their children each day and at least some outside paid work each week, whether or not their financial contributions are absolutely necessary. But as long as both part-time paid jobs and care giving are undervalued by employers, Social Security statements and even relatives, it will take a collection of factors to achieve a satisfying combination. Some of the factors that help are multi-tasking, momprenuership, partners who carry our health insurance and cook, and endless creative problem solving.
Amy Coffey sent me a late-night e-mail as I wrote a second draft of this article. She wanted to let me know that her part-time positions are on hold while her family adjusts to her son’s diagnosis of juvenile diabetes. She said I might not want to use her story in light of this news. On the contrary, her situation illustrates an important reality: when family needs arise, moms with flexible part-time jobs can rise to the occasion without endangering their families’ economic well-being. For this, Coffeys is grateful. “It is nice to have some flexibility - especially with my own business.”
Still, Comatas offers encouragement to moms who want this particular version of “having it all: “I would encourage other moms to find what brings them joy and excitement…. Call your favorite store, and ask if they're hiring. Be specific about your desires for a job, and the number of hours you're willing to work. Work for companies that have daycare on site for free (like the YMCA) and are flexible when your kids are sick, or start classes in your home….Don't be afraid to try something new. Don't forget that being a SAHM itself is a HUGE job and the most important one of all!”
I'd love to hear your experiences of combining work and caregiving!
--Ponka93
Friday, September 28, 2007
My Hubby Truly Enjoys Hockey Against a 2 y/o
Long time, no blog. I bet all three of my regular readers are just crushed!
My husband introduced himself after I did at our parent/child class this week. I mentioned that my professional/personal lives converge in terms of general "caregiving issues," and it touched me when he mentioned that as a respiratory therapist/a.m. dad, his two lives converge this way as well. He's always been a great dad, but he's enjoying the role and taking ownership of it more each year. To put it a little cornily, he's exploring more of his full humanity beyond gender stereotypes. He can cook and help little kids get ready for school so much better than six years ago. (But make no mistake: still very into hockey and paying absolutely zero attention to fashion--some manly things never change).
Anyone who's been married/partnered for more than a couple years has probably had the chance to marvel at a partner's growth in some area or another. It's a definite perk of long-term relationships. I can't imagine what my grandmother felt when Grandpa died, after 60 years of marriage together. Frankly, I'd rather not.
Friends coming for dinner--gotta run. Luckily close friends who won't mind that it's a rather thrown-together, spontaneous menu in a not-yet-clean house.
My husband introduced himself after I did at our parent/child class this week. I mentioned that my professional/personal lives converge in terms of general "caregiving issues," and it touched me when he mentioned that as a respiratory therapist/a.m. dad, his two lives converge this way as well. He's always been a great dad, but he's enjoying the role and taking ownership of it more each year. To put it a little cornily, he's exploring more of his full humanity beyond gender stereotypes. He can cook and help little kids get ready for school so much better than six years ago. (But make no mistake: still very into hockey and paying absolutely zero attention to fashion--some manly things never change).
Anyone who's been married/partnered for more than a couple years has probably had the chance to marvel at a partner's growth in some area or another. It's a definite perk of long-term relationships. I can't imagine what my grandmother felt when Grandpa died, after 60 years of marriage together. Frankly, I'd rather not.
Friends coming for dinner--gotta run. Luckily close friends who won't mind that it's a rather thrown-together, spontaneous menu in a not-yet-clean house.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Oh, the needs out there!
It's one of those days where I see the world through crimson-tinted glasses; that is, a quasi-social worker's awareness of all the human needs that could keep us all busy a long time. Among the people I spoke with today:
*someone in chronic pain caring for a spouse with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
*an illiterate, undocumented day laborer from another country, disappointed that I'm unable to act as his caseworker as well
*a hardworking person who can't work outside the home because his/her stroke-survivor spouse needs 24-hour care, so they're behind on bills
*a cancer patient whose best friend died very suddenly this week
These are just some of the stories that make me impatient with people who complain of boredom, or a missing sense of purpose. Volunteermatch.org, baby. Whether you like to write grants, shovel snow, design websites for charitable organizations, or visit homebound people, there's work that needs done. It's amazing what could get done by cutting out a few hours of TV watching a week.
So now I've exposed myself for the brown-haired Pollyanna I am. And here's my idea for the day: Wal-mart Co. should pay for at least five full-time social workers to serve the customers and employees at each store location, because every time I'm in that store (FOR WORK, to help people get their meds, never my own choice), I overhear people talking about overdue rent; people obviously in poor health picking up their meds; people caught shoplifting; people treating their children badly; people buying cheap plastic things that might make our children sick; people who look completely depressed or stressed out; people loitering for what looks like hours in front of the store. 10 minutes at that particular Wal-mart is more depressing for me than a whole day on the phone with some of the people in situations above. If Wal-mart stores concentrate that much misery in one place, and profit from it, they should address some of the issues people bring in.
"Welcome to Wal-mart! Can I help you access mental health care or apply for food stamps?"
And yes, systems change to eliminate some of the REASONS so many are poor, depressed, sick, lonely, etc., would be even better. I get that.
*someone in chronic pain caring for a spouse with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
*an illiterate, undocumented day laborer from another country, disappointed that I'm unable to act as his caseworker as well
*a hardworking person who can't work outside the home because his/her stroke-survivor spouse needs 24-hour care, so they're behind on bills
*a cancer patient whose best friend died very suddenly this week
These are just some of the stories that make me impatient with people who complain of boredom, or a missing sense of purpose. Volunteermatch.org, baby. Whether you like to write grants, shovel snow, design websites for charitable organizations, or visit homebound people, there's work that needs done. It's amazing what could get done by cutting out a few hours of TV watching a week.
So now I've exposed myself for the brown-haired Pollyanna I am. And here's my idea for the day: Wal-mart Co. should pay for at least five full-time social workers to serve the customers and employees at each store location, because every time I'm in that store (FOR WORK, to help people get their meds, never my own choice), I overhear people talking about overdue rent; people obviously in poor health picking up their meds; people caught shoplifting; people treating their children badly; people buying cheap plastic things that might make our children sick; people who look completely depressed or stressed out; people loitering for what looks like hours in front of the store. 10 minutes at that particular Wal-mart is more depressing for me than a whole day on the phone with some of the people in situations above. If Wal-mart stores concentrate that much misery in one place, and profit from it, they should address some of the issues people bring in.
"Welcome to Wal-mart! Can I help you access mental health care or apply for food stamps?"
And yes, systems change to eliminate some of the REASONS so many are poor, depressed, sick, lonely, etc., would be even better. I get that.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Feeling A Little Raw
I'm still reeling a bit today from a conversation I had with another mom yesterday. If I understood her point through her high emotions, I think it was, "You're not qualified to have opinions on breast pumps because you didn't work as many hours away as I did." I wasn't trying to be any final authority, but rather mentioned what worked for me when the topic came up. This is someone I respect, and enjoy, as a woman and fellow mom, and I didn't see the attack coming.
I think my incredibly wise friend who happens not to have children summarized it best when she said, "There's so much pressure on moms today to be perfect that it makes people crazy!" As an occasionally crazy mom, I think she nailed the phenomenon. It's a little scary out there in mass media parenting land.
But no time to work--I'm off to a meeting about services we offer for caregivers of elders. I wonder, do baby boomers caring for elder parents experience the same subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) competition? Anyone want to comment?
I think my incredibly wise friend who happens not to have children summarized it best when she said, "There's so much pressure on moms today to be perfect that it makes people crazy!" As an occasionally crazy mom, I think she nailed the phenomenon. It's a little scary out there in mass media parenting land.
But no time to work--I'm off to a meeting about services we offer for caregivers of elders. I wonder, do baby boomers caring for elder parents experience the same subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) competition? Anyone want to comment?
Monday, September 10, 2007
New Beginnings
Our first baby boarded the big yellow school bus to kindergarten last week. She's on cloud nine, in love with the whole experience. She's too self-conscious to freeze-dance in front of her classmates, but otherwise, her confidence is soaring. Her dad and I are thrilled for her. She feels so ready to take on a whole host of new challenges: reading, writing, dealing with bullies, making friends, and more.
My sister and I went to a workshop tonight on chemical abuse by elders, and one of the best points made by the speaker was that contrary to popular belief, you can teach an "old dog" new tricks; more respectfully put, like kindergarteners, older people can learn and change in significant ways, even kicking a long-standing drug habit.
While I pray she'll never have to kick a drug habit, I sure like to think that our daughter's eyes will still be sparkling with discovery and possibility even when those eyes are framed by lots of wrinkles!
I propose we begin regarding everyone else--at every age--much as if they were a kindergartener:
My sister and I went to a workshop tonight on chemical abuse by elders, and one of the best points made by the speaker was that contrary to popular belief, you can teach an "old dog" new tricks; more respectfully put, like kindergarteners, older people can learn and change in significant ways, even kicking a long-standing drug habit.
While I pray she'll never have to kick a drug habit, I sure like to think that our daughter's eyes will still be sparkling with discovery and possibility even when those eyes are framed by lots of wrinkles!
I propose we begin regarding everyone else--at every age--much as if they were a kindergartener:
- chock full of potential,
- with some annoying habits learned from their families, and the media
- still learning some of the rules,
- but capable of tremendous growth if we just care for them at their level.
At the risk of oversimplification, just imagine how we could all change for the better if approached with a kindergarten teacher's perspective!
Monday, September 3, 2007
Summer's A Good Season For Root Growth
The summer has flown, but I'm pleased to say we've met our primary goal of feeling at home in the new house and neighborhood. We continue to meet nice neighbors of all ages, or get to know them better, every week, and are pretty enthused with the church we've found. It was frankly an incredibly stressful, arduous process to buy and sell houses in a coordinated way, so if we did have buyers' regret at this pont, we'd probably be pretty bitter! The process pushed our organizational skills and physical stamina to the limit, along with presenting some parenting challenges helping the kids transition. Just ask my husband and kids how crabby I got at times, if you don't believe me.
At work, I know lots of elders with the urge to move, but many are not comfortable with the internet (for housing research, getting rid of things, and more), and physically aren't up to all the labor involved in moving. Some feel stuck as a result. If anyone's looking for a new non-profit concept, it would be free/sliding fee moving management. There's plenty of pricey help available, but so many can't afford it.
Happy late summer to all. May you find yourself in a safe, positive home, whatever it is.
At work, I know lots of elders with the urge to move, but many are not comfortable with the internet (for housing research, getting rid of things, and more), and physically aren't up to all the labor involved in moving. Some feel stuck as a result. If anyone's looking for a new non-profit concept, it would be free/sliding fee moving management. There's plenty of pricey help available, but so many can't afford it.
Happy late summer to all. May you find yourself in a safe, positive home, whatever it is.
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